For the first time in a long time, I feel like creating something amazing.
I don’t want to stick with how I used to be. I want to travel, see, meet — I just want to taste freedom, for a change. I feel like re-defining every bit of my existence. I think it’s about time. I just feel like laying a piece of paper down and painting; I feel like writing and singing and just…doing everything. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so inspired. I wonder why? I guess it’s just one of those things which trigger — the fact that we’re watching Basquiat is pretty much throwing gasoline on the flame. ♥
Speaking of art, this photography project really restores my faith in humanity, even if it’s just a little bit. NOH8 is a silent protest against Proposition 8. Adam Bouska and his partner — Jeff Parshley — “founded” it. Basically, people are photographed with a piece of duct tape over their mouth, “symbolizing their voice not being heard,” and with “NOH8” painted on one of their cheeks. “People” range from famous celeberities to average high-schoolers. It’s pretty amazing, and very inspiring. I think that I’m going to adopt a more “optimistic” outlook on the world — I mean, yeah, the bad, misinformed people exist, but they’re also millions of people who believe in equality; in self-expression. I’ll just have a few laughs at the ignorance and occasionally snap out at them… but from now on, I’m gonna try to focus on the positives. YEP.

(…Let’s see how long that lasts.)

AHEM, ANYWAY. New resolution: write a poem every day. Short’s fine. 4 lines is fine. (…I sound like I’m talking to myself…) I’ll try to stick to it. Will try to update the Poetry page as I write new ones~ But yeah, even if I don’t post them, I want to write them. D: And also, I want to learn how to play the guitar over summer. BLAH, SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.

Oh, I also got a hamburger phone. THE FIRST STEP IN REDOING MY ROOM FURNITURE-WISE.

And finally…
this is so amusing:

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memento mori.

April 22, 2009

Memento mori is a Latin phrase meaning “be mindful of death,” and may be translated as “remember that you are mortal,” “remember you will die,” “remember that you must die,” or “remember your death”.

It can be thought of as either depressing or maybe even disturbing to some, but these days I’ve been thinking about mortality: about death, about life, about the purpose behind living.
I don’t think I’ll be able to understand this post if I re-read it, and I don’t know if anyone else will be able to. Regardless, I think I will right about it, because writing things out — putting my thoughts down in a tangible state — makes me feel secure.
My contemplation about ~The Meaning of Life~ may be due to playing through the Sun Social-Link level of Persona 3 (I still think the Persona series is a work of art, and I swear that I don’t fling that title around meaninglessly. It simply must be made into a novel: I swear, its depth is overlooked).
I’ll summarize it: Basically, you befriended a young guy named Akinari, who’s about 17 or 18 — maybe even 16. He was terminally ill, and wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital on any day except Sunday. He spent his “freedom” at the local shrine, where he read and wrote. He was tall and very thin, with pale skin and long, pale blonde — almost gray — hair.
At first, Akinari suffered from depression, saying that everyone lived a “fairytale” life compared to his. He frequently broke out into random fits of coughing which honestly scared the hell out of me. …He knew that he was on the verge of death, and developed something resembling a phobia of it — he talks about reading books, countless books, but never finishing them because he didn’t ever want their stories to end. Eventually, with your character’s support, he decided that he wanted to write his own novel, for no one but himself, in a small, tattered notebook. The novel focuses on a pink alligator, which represented himself, along with the alligator’s friend — a bird which could not fly. The pink alligator was ridiculed and pitied, and due to its colour, it could not catch prey easily — thus, it usually went hungry. The bird befriended the alligator, staying with it constantly and practicing its flying skills on its back.
Now, here’s where I meet a bit of a blank space, as I haven’t heard the rest of the story from Akinari yet. However, I know how it ends: the alligator got so hungry one day that it ate its bird friend. Distraught, it cried for hours, which turned into days — eventually, it made a river with its tears, which it drowned in. From its body grew a tree, which was nourished by its tears. The tree grew to be magnificent, and all of the animals of the rain forest would go there to relax and have fun. They never knew about the origins of the tree… but they found meaning in its existence.
Akinari words his story waaay more beautifully, of course… but that’s the gist. As he reached the ending, Akinari smiled and said that he was glad he met the main character. He said that his life wasn’t empty — even though it didn’t last as long as he wanted it to, he met a friend — a best friend, who was there for him everyday; who gave him hope. No matter how one tries to avoid it, the end will one day come.
He said that even though death is morbid and sad, it’s not pointless. Once someone, anyone, finds meaning in your life — even if it’s the smallest thing, like meeting every Sunday on a bench, like exchanging a smile or a nod — once someone finds meaning in your existence, your life was not for naught. And thus, your death wasn’t, either. He gives you the tattered notebook which he wrote his story in, then says that he’s sure that you two will meet again someday. He then becomes transparent and disappears.
It turned out that he died during the week, and his spirit had returned to the Shrine to exchange his final words with you. Honestly, that scene was very touching — very touching, and I’ll admit, I cried for at least half an hour after seeing it on YouTube.
I’ll admit: I’m afraid of death. Not because of the pain I might go through, or because it’s the end of me — I’m more afraid of what it’ll do to the people in my life. How will they react? Would they fall into depression? If they were unable to move on, I would grow horribly sad as well. Would they cry for me, but still move on? Would I be okay with that? I think I would be — I want to see those important to me happy. But would they forget about me? …Or would it just be another life which reached its end, another overlooked article in the obituaries?
I don’t want people to become distraught over my death, whenever it happens — hopefully in the very far future. I want them to care, but to move on. I don’t want them to forget me, and I’m sure they won’t. Even if they do, whatever we did together, whatever we experienced… it still happened, regardless of whether or not they remember it. It would survive on the wind’s breath; it will be engraved in time. And I think that itself is what will give both my life and my death meaning.

…One of those people who finds it absolutely necessary to name all of her technological possessions. Yep, that’s me. This post’s instigation was planted by madame Robin~ ♥

In my eyes, each of these “material objects” have a personality. From my sly, quick-witted pen-drive to my downright intimidating iPod — they all have their own quirks. Am I insane for picking said quirks up?…Let’s just call it fun. xDD

Well then, let’s begin~
Laptop: Licorice. Tall, pale, and pretty scruffy, Licorice (aka “Lico”) had a bad childhood experience and is scarred (by his power button, *sob*). As a result, he’s very self-concious. However, this doesn’t stop him from being a spazzy dork. He gets excited over small things, like paper or new games, and forgets to think before he talks. Sort of a pervert, too. Very lame, but very loveable. Flamingo (Robin’s laptop) is his long-term boyfriend~

(pink)iPod Nano: Bubblegum. Hyperactive, frivolous and cutesy. Bubblegum struts her stuff like crazy; if you go to a rave, there’s a 95% chance that she’ll be there — dressed the most outrageously and decked out in an uncountable number of glow sticks. Has tons of fun teasing Licorice, since he tends to freak out — she means well, though. Has a tiny build; squeaky yet adorable voice. You’ll either love her or hate her.

iPod Touch: Apocalypto. Grungy, vegan, and hardcore. He means business. Scares the living crap out of people, save for Licorice. Him and Licorice go way back: they relate to each other incredibly well, visiting each other often. He’s liberal and gutsy; the one who protects the group. The “big brother.”

Camera: Roosevelt. Total hippie. All about peace, love, and everything above. Sees the world differently from most. She’s a space cadet; very airy, very “out there.” Says random stuff which no one ever understands. She’s mildly infatuated by Apocalypto, but this is only due to his name (she develops strange fixations).

Microwave: Borris. The “uncle” of the group. He’s old, he’s rusty, but he gives damn good advice. Loving, warm, and nurturing. Lives away from the young folk, but they go out and see him from time to time.

Pen-Drive: Junes. Gets irritated when people pronounce her name as “June,” the month. (It’s pronouced Joo-nez, dammit!) Clever little lass. Only a kid, and she uses her youth to her advantage. Total smartypants and far more sly than most children her age, though she tends to skip school a lot. She prefers spending her time reading books out in the park. Hovers around Licorice constantly — she adores him because he gives her candy.

…This is the point where I consider making them a new Sims family. I just LOVE these guys. They’re my babies. xDD

10 Random Questions.

March 9, 2009

  • The gum which is wedged under tables.  Who the hell sticks gum under a table? I’d be worried about saliva dripping on my knee, or me touching it accidentally, or something. I think if I ever did this, I would be either a) disgusted with myself or b) feel horribly mischievous. Either option would result in c),  which would be me feeling guilty and removing it with great disdain.  How people can stick their gum under a table is BEYOND me. I’ve never seen anyone do it. Ever. It’s pretty mysterious.
  • How Chemistry can be so different from the rest of the world. When the teacher flicks off the lights and starts up a power-point, everything just gets so…sleepy. His voice changes tones so much, it’s almost as if he’s singing you a lullaby. This “lullaby” consists of tons of scientific terminology, like “ions” and “polarity” and “partial pressure,” which aid in the whole “I’m-making-you-fall-asleep” thing. Whenever I interact with someone from the “outside world” during/right after Chemistry, I feel as if I’m seeing the sun after a week in a cramped cave.
  • Career choice. To the disappointment of my extended family, I do NOT want to be a doctor; I don’t think I have the tolerance/general work ethnic for that job. (I like to get boring things over and done with so I have time to have fun later. That’s the only reason why I “stay on top of things.” Same goes for studying, most of the time.) I would rather have fun with my job than stress out over it. Being a lawyer would be alright, but I don’t know. A graphic designer or a photographer would be pretty sweet; I’ve also been thinking about becoming a game designer. I want to write on the side of whatever I do. Since Art is “unsteady” (please note the quotations) I’m not sure if I want to pursue it.
  • That transcript thing. It seems like such a waste when I see some of my friends (…more like acquaintances) who take part in school activities and join school clubs just to beef up their college apps. Seriously, what’s the point? I think I’d rather take part in something for the fun/convenience of it; not for the sake of it being recorded on a piece of paper.
  • Aliens and supernatural stuff. I can’t prove them, but I can’t deny them, either. For some reason, I like to believe that they do exist. It comforts me to know that we’re not alone here. It sort of scares me, too because the more I think about them, the more real they seem.
  • Why people can’t think for themselves. Photocopies are never better than the original. Unless the original itself is a photocopy. Then what?
  • March’s ability to always, always, ALWAYS suck. Maybe it’s because it begins right after Carnival, aka right after a 4-day holiday. It leaves me feeling as if Spring is right around the corner, when it’s really a whole month away. I’m totally having an ‘end-of-March’ celebration when it’s over.
  • How hard it is to write a book. Even the smallest of scenes has to be crafted delicately; every line of dialogue, every sentence, everything, lest it turns out to be disgustingly trite. It’s amazing, frustrating, and a bit intimidating.
  • Why all good things have to end. Not to quote the proverb, or little Nelly Furtado. People say, “that’s what makes them good!”, but I can’t help but feel horribly empty. Whether it’s a good game (Persona 4…!) a good conversation (I can name tons), a good evening, a good series, a good relationship — it all just ends before you can acknowledge and/or deepen it. Life is so bittersweet.
  • If Daniel really makes those brownies. I still think that either his mother or father does.

Nothing And Nowhere

February 7, 2009

At night, she would lie in her bed and stare up at the ceiling of her bedroom. Her eyes would trace over every crack in the concrete. Over and over; a repeating action. Umpteen times. It was a routine; a familiar routine, a comforting routine, whilst simultaneously being one accompanied by great unrest.
She would lie on her back, looking up at the cracks. Her heart would beat, sometimes too fast and other times too slow; and then, it would just ache – ache for hours on end. Her mind would be searching for words; words which could express what she felt. Hours upon hours would pass, as her mind journeyed everywhere and nowhere.
She would breathe in shakily when she remembered that she had to, ignoring how downright real such a need made her feel.
She felt like she could go anywhere, but she felt as if she was chained to one spot. Contained, like a small, frightened animal, in a metallic cage.
She wanted to escape. She wanted to leave that cage; to give into the feelings of freedom and never look back; never have to face the demons of the day or the hardships of the night.
But she couldn’t.
She wondered if the ceiling would cave in someday, to come falling down upon her with an almighty crash. But she knew it wouldn’t. It would forever be up there, out of her reach and barely in her sight. Yet, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from it.
Her mind was throwing a fit during all of this. It would scream too loudly for her to comprehend and talk far too quickly for her to decipher. The words chaotically flew around in her skull, tripping and slipping and destroying each other, making a great deal of noise and disorder. Their messages were impossible to decode. After many nights of trying to cling onto these words — of trying to catch them, in the palms of her trembling hands, she decided that enough was enough. She had to let go.
But she couldn’t.
And thus, it continues. Every night, this girl would lie in her bed. Her heart would reprimand her, her needs would ridicule her, and her cage would contain her. Words would swarm in her ears. The ceiling would be a comfort and a pain. She wondered if it would ever come crashing down.

This Is My Symphony

January 24, 2009

The book which I’m currently working on is called “Symphony.” It’s a fantasy — not all dragons and elves, but it’s pretty detailed. It opens up the world so that it’s in “layers,” or different dimensions, each with their own customs and whatnot which, in turn, affect the characters. Speaking of which, the main characters are Aiden D’esparis, Kana Marianne, Amaya Kumori and Seth. (Seth’s lack of a last name is on-purpose, of course. I didn’t get lazy. Really. >.>;)
I chose the name “Symphony” because a symphony is made up of people — different people, who play instruments which don’t sound the same, yet… they can still come together, despite those differences, and tell a beautiful tale. And it’s the characters who make a story worth reading, right? I’m focusing a lot on characteral developement for this novel — giving myself a chance to brush up on my dialouge-writing skills and whatnot.
As for the characters, I guess I should talk about them! x3

symphony

(yes, I know. I have MAD tablet skillz.)

First up is… Aiden. Aiden, Aiden, Aiden. xDD He’s incredibly unconventional. I’m REALLY proud of him, because his personality isn’t suitable for a “hero” at all. He’s got a short fuse, glares at everyone and everything, is horribly violent and, in a nutshell, comes across as a complete dick. But since I want my characters to be as real as possible, he obviously has several different sides to him. As the story progresses, he tends to get a bit… dorky, so to speak — and he jokes around a fair bit. He’s actually very emotional, and if you read between the lines of his dialouge and actions, you can pretty much see “The Real Aiden.” His backstory is that he’s “The Chosen One” of his dimension — but something goes terribly wrong, and his powers don’t seem to activate. This, of course, was a circumstance beyond his control… yet, people of his dimension freak out and eventually he developes a reputation as a “demon,” who was trying to lead the world to ruin. After living under this pressure for a long time, Aiden finally snapped. He denies being “The Chosen” altogether now, and was able to travel to Pandora’s dimension. He doesn’t plan on turning back and going home, either — to him, “Home” doesn’t exist.
Kana is an innocent, sweet, yet cursed girl. She was born with the curse of misfortune, meaning that she has horrible luck and everyone who comes into close contact with her ends up getting injured — or negatively affected in some way. At first, only small things happened — like her friend’s bracelet snapping — but as Kana grew, so did the intensity of the curse. The event which pushed her off the edge was when the guy she was seeing, whose name I’m going to change, got into an “accident.” Whether he survived or not is something which is revealed later on in the book — Kana refuses to talk about it. Kana is pretty spacey, and, like I said, innocent — but I’ve planned out a few scenes where she shocks everyone with her knowledge on… erm… “certain subjects.”
I decided against Kana’s curse affecting her physical self. Kana’s the type of girl who cherishes her friends and loved ones more than herself — if the curse affected her, then it wouldn’t…hurt her as much, so to speak. It’s a bit complicated, but it makes sense to me. xD; It’s like… she loves them, but she’s afraid of being with them because she doesn’t want them to get hurt. I think them getting hurt will, in turn, hurt Kana even more — especially since she would know that it was her fault.
Amaya is…well, I haven’t planned her out as much. She’s the hardcore member of the group. She’s tall, lean, and kickass. (The small, chibi-esque sketch doesn’t do the character design which I’ve conjured up in my head justice). She’s an assassin from her village and takes direct orders from the Chief of it. Amaya is also unconventional, she does what she wants when she wants to do it… she’s straight-forward and doesn’t take any b.s. from anyone. I think Amaya is based on the person I want to be, actually. xD; Her backstory is still in construction — she joins Kana, Aiden and Seth a bit later on though.
Seth is my love. He was the first member of the group who I ever wrote about. I remember it so clearly — during Winter Break, I was listening to Castle On The Hill from the Edward Scissorhands soundtrack. I sat down and just typed up a scene which fit the melody — Seth’s “prelude”, the opening scene. Before I knew it, ideas were flowing. Danny Elfman’s work inspired me to name my novel Symphony.
Anyway. Seth is basically a mystery. Technically, he’s dead. The “antagonist” of the story killed him right as the story began — however, Pandora was able to revive him. The process itself is a lot more complicated, and it’ll make more sense when you actually sit down and read the actual thing… but yeah. Seth has a strange, naive character. He’s very unpredictable and tends to worry a lot — very caring, and he tries his best. xD; His backstory and purpose for being IN the story are both really complex, I think a bit too complex — I’ll have to narrow it down. But, yes. Seth’s soul is living in a medium, which is his “corpse” — except, it’s not a corpse, since it’s actually functioning as a proper body. It’s not perfect, though (JEEZ, SO MANY CONTRADICTIONS) and sometimes it randomly shuts down and he goes into a “doll-like state.” On the other hand, he can also go into a “supreme state”, where he is pretty much unstoppable and can destroy anything in his way. o.o;
The story focuses on 2 “sides”. One is that of Pandora, the eccentric magician who’s character is WAY too much fun to write, and the other is of the “antagonist” who currently lacks a name. xD; Both are after a box with tons of power — its possesion runs in Pandora’s family (i.e: Pandora’s Box). This box has the power to do all sorts of things which fit into the story and various events in it.
Pandora, herself, is a LITTLE bit like Yuuko from xxxHolic, but the two of them are actually very different. Pandora is less serious, for one — though she has her moments. She’s bombastic and silly, yet she’s one of the most powerful characters to be introduced in the entire storyline.
Honestly, I wanted to write something which could be made into a video game. I KNOW, SHOOT ME NOW. xD But I wanted it to be a good story, too — since good games always have very interesting storylines. The characters feel like my children, which is sort of strange (since all of them are older than me, ahaha), but still cool. =] As of today, the book is 23 pages long on Verdana, size 9. I took a break from writing because of exams — but I plan on resuming soon, though. I’m hoping I can tell this story to the very end! My goal is to make it as fun and casual to read as possible — whilst still making it a deep, interesting and EPIC story, which one could analyze if they wanted to. Wish me luck, I’ll definitely need it. o.o;

Hehe.
– Jamie xx

1oo Things About Jamie

January 7, 2009

I did this list last year, but I can’t seem to find it right now. My friend, Robin ♥, did it, so I figured I’d hop on the bandwagon and do it, too. :D
(Plus, right now, I feel sick to my stomach. This should help me take my mind off things?)

1oo Things About Jamie
1. I feel like a flamingo in a crowd of pigeons
2. I consider myself open-minded, but I cannot stand conservatives
3. My body is in Trinidad, but my heart is in Japan
4. The reason why I like Art so much is because I hate reality.
5. I don’t dress to impress — I dress to kill
6. I can trip over air
7. I want to dye my hair electric blue but I can’t find/afford/get my hands on any dye
8. Sometimes I want to feign my own death, just to see those who would care
9. I am not nearly as quiet a person as people tend to make me out to be
10. I wish I was born on October 13th, purely because that date sounds cool
11. Spazzy people are the best
12. I hate chick flicks with an almighty passion
13. I love the colour pink, but red is my favourite colour
14. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it annoys the hell out of me.
15. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to walk up to a stranger, hold out my hand for a handshake, and say, “Meet your newest obsession.”
16. I’m happy that I have a few close friends who I can trust with anything — they don’t expect me to act a certain way, and I can go to them for anything. I think that’s way better than being popular.
17. Though I do wish I had more friends.
18. I want to meet April, Megan and Resa in person someday.
19. One time, in the mall, I told a random man that I was (still am) a virgin and he eyed me strangely. I don’t know, I was feeling random. Looking back on it, it would’ve been really, really creepy if he actually replied.
20. I am terrified of hippos. I’ve been so ever since I saw a documentary on them. One ripped a guy to shreds, ate one dude’s head, and tore off another one’s leg.
21. I hate sloths. (The animal.) Edward and Robin are fully aware of this, yet BOTH spammed MSN chat windows with pictures of them last year. >__>
22. I don’t give a damn if it’s “thrilling” — I will NEVER zipline. Ever.
23. I secretly love how people look when they’re smoking.
24. I just got a tablet. How the hell do I use it?
25. TOKIDOKI IS THE BEST THING EVER. I cherish everything which I have from this line.
26. Headaches and migraines seem to accompany me wherever I go
27. I love cats xD;
28. I hate how the majority of these points start with “I”.
29. The reason why I use emoticons is because when I don’t, I’m afraid I might come off as bitchy, mean, or stuck up.
30. I hate being formal. For my sister’s wedding, I wore my black converse shoes underneath my stuffy dress. No one noticed.
31. Usually, I say I like being short, but I really wish I were 6ft tall.
32. I hate boobs and I really don’t want my chest to grow any more than it has. D: (..I am aware that this is rare for a teenaged girl. x3;)
55. Tim Burton is my main role model. I would marry him if he proposed to me.
56. The Ting Tings = the shizz.
57. Robin and I are going on a road-trip across the world. It has been dubbed as “The X-Perience: With No ‘E’, Because We’re Just So Bad Like That.”
58. On this trip, we want to befriend a gay man and/or a drag queen.
59. The reason why most of my recent stories have a same-sex couple in them is because if any of my works, for some strange reason, get published or become “big,” I want people to see that homosexuals aren’t different from heterosexuals.
60. I sometimes feel like I am 2 different people. Sometimes I know EXACTLY who I am, and at other times I haven’t the slightest idea.
61. The environment which I’m in really effects me.
62. I don’t like photographs or paintings which don’t tell a story.
63. I like taking pictures of myself, as vain as it may sound.
64. I sort of wish that I were paler.
65. Nausea is the worst thing ever. And right now, I am INCREDIBLY nauseaous.
66. I hate when people call me Jamie Lee (seriously; not in jest like my friends do sometimes)
67. I really want a lime green top hat with a neon blue bow.
68. Drop beats, not bombs.
69. I would be lying if I said that the number 69 doesn’t make me giggle.
70. I am paranoid when it comes to how people see me whilst simultaneously refusing to change myself for them. Yeah, a pretty deadly combination.
71. I idolize an IMVU developer known as Ange. He’s a huge inspiration to me, mainly because I know about him and his current situation, and therefore I know how strong he is. (Plus, he makes awesome stuff.)
72. I don’t like how people expect men to act one way and women to act another.
73. My favourite genres of music are Electronic, Alternative, Emo, Hardcore, Techno, Trance, Pop Punk, Punk, & jRock, though I listen to a little Pop/jPop.
74. I hate when people ask me who my favourite band is because I can never answer with just one
75. I also hate most “rebellious” teenagers who think they’re so hardcore. It’s so fake.
76. I wanna get married in a white or black kimono
77. I hate animal-print.
78. I don’t show people some of my art because I’m afraid they’ll misunderstand it and make me go to therapy.
79. Paramore has a way of hitting the nail right on the head.
80. I’m agnostic. No members of my family know this.
81. I LOVE the Lolcatz book which Robin bought me. Like, a lot.
82. When I’m an old woman, I want to live in an old mansion with my husband in some isolated area near a conservative town to scare the living hell out of residents.
83. I want a boy BJD so that I can make him pretty. Not sure why.
84. The phone just rang really loudly, totally out of the blue, and I let out the most girly scream ever. o_O
85. I’ve always wanted to send PostSecret something
86. I want to go to a rave later on in life; when I actually look like myself on the outside.
87. I wish that clouds were like…solid, because it’d be really fun to sit on one
88. I cannot listen to music when doing work or studying; I need to be in an environment where I can focus soley on my iPod.
89. That being said, when I listen to music in my bedroom, I tend to run around rampantly.
90. I can recall almost every single thing which I learnt in my Ancient World History class in 9th grade. Never will I forget what Cleisthenes did in 508 B.C, never will I forget the whole Rise of Nations ordeal which I oh-so-proudly explained to my friends last year before exams, never will I forget what a hoplite is, or who the Fathers of Medicine, History, etc, were. That’s one class which I really miss.
91. I want to cut down on the amount of meat I eat.
92. Dear homophobes, suck it. Love, Jamie.
93. I don’t like to start conversations on msn and I hate having people who I never talk to in my contacts list. I clean it out frequently.
94. I like Myspace more than Facebook.
95. Honestly, I worry a lot over whether or not I’ll ever get a boyfriend. But I don’t want to give the wrong guy the honour of being “Jamie’s First Love.”
96. I think unrequited love is one of the most painful things in this world.
97. I might have said this before, but I LOVE piercings and I am going to get my lip pierced once I graduate from high school, regardless of what anyone says.
98. When Alice In Wonderland comes out in 2010, Mai and I are totally going to cosplay as characters for the premier.
99. Sanrio and San-X = pure love
100. I think milk and spicy fried chicken make a perfect meal when put together.

I don’t really follow actors, actresses or celebrities. I’m pretty stupid when it comes to that sort of thing, which is pretty weird for a teenaged girl. But, I have to say, the one “celebrity” which I can, and always will, obsessively stalk look up to and devote every bit of my respect to is a director known as Tim Burton. To me, he isn’t just a director — the man is a mastermind; a genius which deserves recognition higher than any other man. He is an artist; his mind works in a way which is brilliantly difficult to understand. He is complex, surrounded in this aura of mystery.

It all started with The Nightmare Before Christmas. I’m aware that he didn’t direct it, but still — “Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas.” The name just…stuck in my head. The songs were amazing; the characters (even Oogie Boogie ._.) were all loveable, and Sally was (and still is) one of the very few female leads who I actually do not regard as a complete and utter pansy (and LYDIA, can’t forget her). Not to mention, The Nightmare is what planted the seeds for my complete and utter obsession with stopmotion films. I recently downloaded Nightmare Revisited — a bunch of my favourite bands re-did all of the musical pieces in the original Nightmare Before Xmas, and whilst the original will always be my favourite, the remakes really do them justice. (Except for Jack’s Lament by The All-American Rejects. SERIOUSLY, WHY THE HELL DID THE LAME BAND GET THE BEST SONG IN THE FILM? Ugh. KoRn did “Kidnap The Sandy Claws” justice, and Marilyn Manson really and truly aced “This Is Halloween. :DD But I’m getting off-topic, so…xD)

Then came Edward Scissorhands. This is the film which blew me away with all its metaphorical content. It hit a very, very sore spot for me. In Caroline Thompson’s commentary, she described it as “a fable…a story that people don’t necessarily believe, but they understand…. [Edward Scissorhands] is about feeling like you don’t belong…about wanting to belong, about trying so hard to belong, yet you just can’t belong.” She hit the nail right on the head — given that heart-wrenchingly, nostalgic feeling which I experience everytime I watch it, overflowing with beautiful imagery, exquisite music… Edward Scissorhands had a huge impact on my life, in a way I can’t even put into words. “It expresses the feeling that your image and how people perceive you,” Burton said, “are at odds with what is inside you.”

(Yes. I look at his films’ commentaries. Sue me. I also have most of the soundtracks.)

Burton grew up in the suburbs — just like the town we see in Edward Scissorhands. Happy faces, cute little families, all of that. I think I can relate to him in how he must’ve felt. I’d describe it as feeling “like a flamingo in a crowd of pidgeons.” It may sound vain, but think about it. A flamingo in a crowd of pidgeons may stand out, but what makes you think that that’s a good thing? The pidgeons wouldn’t exactly acknowledge or appreciate the flamingo, the flamingo would hate the pidgeons — probably sometimes wishing that it, itself, were a pidgeon — and then it all just ends up being one big mess.

When talking about his teenaged years (regarding his love for horror films rather than going out in the sun and being another All-American Boy) Burton said: “I felt most monsters were basically misperceived — I thought that they usually had more heartfelt souls than the human characters around them.” I couldn’t have put it better myself — I’ve always felt that way — even before I knew of Burton’s works. As a child, I loved the Witch in Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent? I’m not sure I spelt that right. “She was just upset about not getting invited to the princess’ party,” I’d tell my mother. My mother would chuckle and pat me on the head, saying that I was a strange one. Never has someone honestly agreed with me. Many just say that they do — but I know they really don’t. Tim Burton saying that line alone — without even knowing how much of an impact it had on this silly girl — was enough to gain a lifetime of respect from me.

Next was Big Fish. The film itself beautifully blends reality and fantasy. It brings fiction to life without seeming pretentious or ignorant. Edward Bloom was able to live in his beautifully magical world — all the while, staying in reality. Amazing, profoundly amazing. The ending was THE BEST, and the characters were all so silly — each having their own little quirks.

I guess, in a nutshell, Tim Burton will always be my idol. I’ve always, always, ALWAYS wanted to meet him. Just to shake hands with him would be a great honour. He’s my idea of an artist — he is what I want to aspire to be. He can convey so much expression, so much emotion, in the simplist of scenes.

To put it simply:
He is a genius.

In A Nutshell…

December 12, 2008

Basically; this is a list of 10 things about me, which pretty much sum up my persona?

The Big Ten
1. I feel like a flamingo in a crowd of pigeons. Constantly.
2. I consider myself open-minded, but I cannot stand conservatives.
3. My body is in Trinidad, but my heart is in Japan.
4. The reason why I like Art so much is because I hate reality.
5. I don’t dress to impress — I dress to kill.
6. I can trip over air and I once choked on a single grain of rice.
7. I want to dye my hair electric blue but I can’t find/afford/get my hands on any dye.
8. Sometimes I want to feign my own death, just to see those who would care.
9. I am not nearly as quiet a person as people tend to make me out to be.
10. I am wearing fuzzy socks.

…And here’s a “Meal of Words” which describes who I am, once again… xD I’m not so sure it makes much sense… But, I tried?

Let’s plug in our speakers and turn up the tunes; sway lazily (yet gracefully) down into a chair and kick off our shoes. A small pitcher of sweet, silky gentility is plunked down on the tabletop, followed by a steaming hot kettle full of rich, splendid energy.
Grab a cup with a greedy hand; mix a concoction of the sugary, sweet delight, and sip on it with feigned grace while you wait for the entree to slide in on the scene — just like what happens in all those oh-so fake yet oh-so fabulous action movies.
Set the concoction down with a flourish as your server presents a small bowl, filled to the brim with pessimism. You slurp it down, not caring that people around you are giving you odd glances – gotta stay true to your colours, right? The soup hits the spot – just enough to contain your beast of an appetite, but not enough to fill you up.
Then comes the main course. You were never much of a big eater — however, the main course is a platter of eccentricity; because only wimps are afraid of the bizarre – and finish that up quickly, taking in the high sugar content laced in between bits of spice.
After a fair amount of time shovelling taking in all the flavours, you wonder vaguely if you’ll be able to eat anything else, but upon seeing the dessert, you know you can.
It’s a small plate of the mouth-watering dish, intricacy. You taste it, inhaling the medley of flavour — the sweet nectar, the zesty spice, and the slightly pungent essence. Taking a satisfying sip of your drink (you tilt your head back, letting yourself experience as must flavour as you can), you sit back; inhale, then exhale, and proceed to enjoy the rest of the evening.

Status: In the mood for 3 scoops of Rainbow Cream — the kind which stains your lips a dark-blue colour for the rest of the day.

Soda-pop and Tears.

December 3, 2008

I think that the purest moments which can be experienced in life are those associated with tears.
As depressing as it may sound at first, it’s true.

It’s human nature to struggle more than necessary. We panic, we plan, we try to control. You can’t deny it — I’m pretty sure everyone does it at least sub-conciously. We have to struggle in life to get somewhere — usually, if we don’t, it seems as though we’re not putting thought into it. To put it simply; we love stressing ourself out. It’s what we do, it’s how we roll.

Of course, writing about it is simple. But I’ve been there. Things pile up, slowly but surely, and eventually, you find yourself in front of a mountain of tasks and have no clue what the hell to do. So, you begin to climb — to slowly, but surely, ascend.
After giving it all you can, after climbing as fast as you can possibly go, as high as you can — you eventually feel like you’re just about to break; to shatter into a million different pieces which are blown away, forgotten, in the wind, and go tumbling down that vast summit. Or, you might just be so fed up that you want to just jump off of it and give up. In times like this, the best thing to do is pause your ascent, sigh loudly (and dramatically), say “screw this,” and take a long, good cry. You may want to try sobbing, or wailing, too. The more emotion, the better.
Tears, you see, are powerful things. They wash away the world — they clear your mindset and they give you freedom. Society pelts these silly little “rules” at us, like how “CRYING IS FOR THE WIMPS LOLOL” and that “boys don’t cry, only little girls do.” All of these little tidbits do absolutely nothing but put a lid over our soul and clog our heads.
To think, people actually believe that showing emotion is for the “uncool.” If being “cool” means that I have to be an emotionless droid, a clone — then I’ll take being the “uncool” one, thanks. (I can’t help but remember what my friend in my old school says — “I may be a loser, but I’m the coolest loser you’ll ever meet. =]”…she had no shame, hence why I love her to bits xD)

Anyway, what I guess I’m trying to say is — don’t be afraid to show emotion. Without expression, you keep every single thought, every burden and ever woe, contained inside of you. And then one day, you just EXPLODE, like the oh-so-many cans of shaken soda. And the clean-up is dreadfully messy.