Untitled.

June 30, 2009

Tonight was strange.
I was happy and free and very hyper earlier tonight, hanging around in Ruby Tuesday’s with Ed, Robin, and Tyler (Tyler’s visiting from the US). We made silly jokes (like a BOSS) and had an all-around good time. I said my “goodbyes” to Robin, I felt perfectly fine. I had some emotional conversations on MSN, and at 12:30, Robin tells me she’s packing her laptop up and that we were having her last conversation in Trinidad at that moment. I was fine right up until then. I don’t know what happened. I felt like I did on the last day of school — Friday, when Mai had to drag me to the girl’s bathroom for me to stop crying, and I felt like I did back when Lanora left. I can’t understand it — how does it even work? How can an ever-present force in your life just vanish? Not completely, of course — I’ll stay in touch with those who leave, but still. I was walking to the mall the other day and I glanced at my English teacher’s — Mrs. Chesler’s — house, wondering if she was home, or if her kids were around. And the only thing there was an empty house with a red sign on it, saying “For Rent.”
After sobbing my eyes out after Robin’s departure off the IM Client, I clung onto Ed and Mai, who both morally supported me. Ed’s advice was the same which I gave to him back when Tyler left — the almighty “fertilizer” metaphor (in a nutshell: “it feels like shit, but it’ll definitely help you grow”) — advice which I now have to, reluctantly, adopt for myself. His advice has that air of wisdom which he’s gained from his experiences with Tyler. It’s funny, because even though he said his goodbyes to Tyler a year ago, Tyler’s in his tv room right now, probably fast asleep. I can only hope I can say the same for Robin.
Mai’s advice came in the form of her belting out some lyrics (Motion City Soundtrack, I think?) and basically trying to cheer me up. Nic left before my little moment, sooo yeah. Still, he helped.
As for Risa… we haven’t met face-to-face yet, but she was all worried, so:
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…she made me a sign. xD
There was a day back a few months ago when Robin, Ed and I just sat in my bathroom. We talked about everything — everything. During this time, Robin and I painted our nails — mine were a bright yellow, and hers were a deep blue. It’s something I’ll never forget. Tonight when she was leaving, Robin handed me a “present,” and she said that in honor of that little memory, she was giving me her entire nail polish collection. That alone’s enough to make me tear up.
But yeah. Thanks to all of those people who helped me out tonight, and who’ll keep on helping me. You’re all the best. I’ll help you as much as I can, too. And… we’ll just have to face the future as it comes. It won’t be easy, and life is a HUGE, UNFAIR BITCH, but at the end of the day… it’s all we have. So we better just take a deep breath and move on — crying when necessary, of course.

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