Not alone.

November 21, 2008

Growing up, I was never the girly-girl.
I never wanted to paint my nails shimmery, light pink, and I never wanted to get the new limited-edition Barbie, which just so happened to come along with a horribly tacky “tiara” which was decorated with a few cheap rhinestones.
I can vaguely remember myself, age 7, talking to one of the “popular girls” at school. Charlotte was her name, I think. “If you want,” she told me, whilst flicking her soft light-brown hair back in a very stand-offish way, “you can hang around with us at lunch today.”
Us referred to the ‘popular grrlz’ back then. My memory is horrible — I honestly can’t remember who the group consisted of. However, I do remember not being the slightest bit interested. “Sorry!” I chirped in response. “I’m going to play Samurai X with Joshua in the field today!”
(We used rulers as swords. It was the most fun thing EVER.)
My childhood consisted of bruises and band-aids. I loved to roll around in the mud and I dreamed of climbing a tree so high that I could eat the clouds (yes, I’m serious). I also went through a very *unique* stage, of which I was obsessed with being a vampire.
Things haven’t changed much since back then.
I’m a lot less tomboy-ish (mind you, I can barely resist the urge to jump straight into a miscellaneous puddle of mud on some days), but I honestly can’t see why people would want to conform themselves to be… like everyone else. I’ll hear about the current trends — things like reading Gossip Girl, Twilight, all of that sort of thing — and I’ll just raise an eyebrow and plug my iPod headphones back in. Whilst people are getting wasted, I’m home talking to my friends online or over the phone.
When people are “dancing” at parties to the beat of the new Akon hit, I’m in my bedroom blasting electronica and pop punk, jumping on my bed and generally thrashing the place (hey, I need to have some fun, too).
The point is, I’ve never even been aware of the prescence of “peer pressure” or “expectations.” I go out there, I do my own thing, and I have a hell of a time doing it. It’s the way to live. I don’t like to talk excessively. I don’t like having people follow me… which is probably why I love to hang around unique individuals.
Robin, Edward, Nora, Mai… they’re the ones who I can be found with on a day-to-day basis. April is my homegurrrl in Canada. Megan’s in the U.S. Ash-chan is in Trinidad; however, she’s in the school which I transferred out of 2 years ago. (We still talk a lot.) They’re many more who I can talk about — but it would take forever, and I doubt anyone would like to sit down and read this for the rest of their lifetime. xD But anyway… they’re all different from me, in many different ways. Yet, simultaneously, we’re exactly the same. I guess you could say that we’re all strangely compatible with each other. They complete me — fo realz.
They don’t necessarily understand me — though I’d like to believe that they do — but, they accept me. And my odd tendencies. In my old school, if word got out that I was a hardcore liberal, I’d be immediately dubbed as some type of freak. I guess the fact that it’s a really “conservative” school plays a key role in that, and we *were* a lot younger, but anyway…
I now wear my beliefs and opinions right on my forehead (figuratively speaking). I don’t impose them on anyone, but if someone starts bashin’, I start thrashin’. I’m withdrawn but not exactly shy, I’m quiet but not very delicate (okay, maybe sometimes I’m a *little* emotional. Whatever.) I am a bundle of contradictions — and I have people around me who, knowing that, still accept me. I’m pretty damn stoked about it, if I do say so myself.
Now, as you can see, I’m rambling on and on, so I probably should stop. I supposed the best thing in this world is having knowledge that you are not alone. I hope that everyone can have that knowledge — even if it’s only concerning one person.

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One Response to “Not alone.”

  1. 3limes said

    You are a rare individual. I see it and the people who count see it. I am so happy that you don’t care about the people who “don’t get it.” That is a special quality that most people strive for but never get.

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